Hooray for Christmas!

I am so excited for Christmas! Usually I don't have enough funds to buy presents for everyone but this year, particularly with my rockstar bonus, I was able to get everyone a little something. And then I was directed to a site that had t-shirts that were snort-inducing so some people got a second present. We will just call them early birthday presents though. Right?

I also bought stockings for Brad, Nate and myself! They are awesome and give a hat tip to each personality. Brad usually isn't much of a Christmas lover, but darnit if he isn't starting to come around. I mean, how could you not love Christmas when you have a pile of presents under the tree and you get to spend the week with someone as awesome as myself?

Before I can get to Christmas, I have to make it through this weekend and the First Ever KFRD Spaghetti Dinner organized by yours truly and many other hands. Holy moly I forgot how much effort goes into planning a fundraiser. Oh wait, scratch that. I've never organized a fundraiser. Parties and weddings, yes. But never something I need to monitor the return on. Hopefully we meet our numbers and at least cover the cost of the food.

My renter is still on my list, but hey! I got rent on time this month!! Go me.

Other than that, life is full of snow and coldness. Awesome December weather if you ask me!

Henri strikes again!

My poor doggie just can't win! Last week Becca called me and was frantic. As it seems Henri was having a seizure. Now I think there is much humor in this since she is a paramedic and I, an EMT as well were both somewhat clueless when it came time to decide what to do for a dog that is in the throws of a grand mal seizure. Der. As it turns out, she is just fine. I took her into the vet and they gave her the once-over. I am hoping it is the change in scenery that is doing it and that it wont happen again. I swear that dog is going to give me a heart attack soon. BUT she is doing lovely with her new friend Duncan. They are like two peas in a pod, disproportionate peas, but peast none the less.

The countdown to vacation is in the single digits and I am so excited to be away for 12 days as well as seeing Brad every day for 12 days straight. This will be the longest we have been together since being together or ever really. So yay for us. Tonight I have training, tomorrow night a CPR class, Wednesday is my last night at Euphoria and Thursday I have to pack. So I'm thinking this week should fly by. At least I hope so anyway.

The best news I have is that someone might be interested in buying my house. Which of course would be fantastic. The only reason I haven't put it up for sale is because the market sucks and I doubt I would get out of it what I need. I won't even consider getting what I want for it. I just pinched myself to check and sure enough, I'm not dreaming so I am more than willing to settle for what I need. Not having to worry about the house would be such a HUGE weight off my shoulders, not to mention a nice move in the right direction for my debt to income ratio. So any good thoughts and prayers any one of you that read this have, I would really appreciate it!

Oh Henri!

That darn dog! Over the last several weeks she has gotten a taste of what is outside mom and dad's yard and has set her sights on exploring them as much as possible. Which would be all fine and dandy if it didn't mean I would spend time fretting and searching and paying fees to get her back when nice people pick up the friendly stray dog and turn her into the authorities. Maybe she was trying to go home, you know, that place I may have been keeping her from for the last year or two. Or she just got her nose on the trail of something and just couldn't bring herself to stop. So, she has been placed into temporary foster care with a former firefighter/EMT from Kansasville. Henri now has two "cousins" to play with that make her look like a dwarf. I dropped her off Saturday night and so far, it seems things are going well.

In other news, I also quit my second job. Thanks to the promotion I got at my full time job, I don't have to have two jobs! Say it with me now... WHEEEEEEEEEE! I can't remember the last time I only had one job! That leaves me plenty of time for couch sitting. Something I have come to enjoy, well for the most part.

Thursday is Brad's birthday and unfortunately I wont be able to see him so he got his presents early. Well besides his first present Nate and I gave to him a couple months ago because we couldn't wait.



Yeah, he's spoiled, but so am I so I can't complain too much. :)

I am really looking forward to my little vacation I have planned in two weeks. I fly to Las Vegas the 20th to meet Brad at his trade show and then head back to Pensacola for Thanksgiving. I'm hoping to get a lot of the things finalized for the wedding while I'm there. I think it might be a little weird though not working for 12 whole days!

I've had a few issues with the renter, but I guess that is to be expected. I just really wish they could pay on time and without the sob story every month. I get it, life sucks sometimes, but I don't get a 'there there' from my landlord so I don't know why I am expected to do the same for them. Even though it gets aggrivating, I will smile and nod because it sure is nice not having to pay the mortgage.

Other than that, life is just chugging along. Nothing terribly exciting to report.

I hope you are staying warm now that winter seems to be making it's final approach!

Ta-dah!

I did it. I somehow managed to cram a household of stuff into one bedroom and a garage. Whew! I am officially moved into the apartment and the renters are in the house. Let the scary world of land-lordism begin. Eek! There are still a few little odds and ends that need to be corrected at the house, but they will come in time. You know, like when I have some.

I'm still working on securing some finanacing for the wall braces that Badger Basements are all set to install. They are just waiting for me to give them a call and let them know they can come on down and fix the stupid pain in the rear wall. I can't even tell you how happy I will be once that is all done and over with. Then I can start freaking out about landscaping! Yay!

The worry list seems neverending. In much happier and more fun news, I am headed to Chicago for dinner with mom, Liesl, Carrie and Peggy for my birfday. Granted, it isn't ON my birthday, but it is close enough. My morning will be filled with a massage and then off to good food and lots of walking. I wonder if Nike's count as fashionable when it is one's birthday... I have learned the hard way about heels and city streets. It just doesn't end well.

Besides all of that, it is only a few more weeks until Warren is home. He is coming home a bit early so Labor Day weekend will be quite the homecoming. I can't wait. I kind of miss that kid.

The thing about sisters...

The thing about sisters
Is truly perplexing
Each other's boundries
To always be testing
Stealing of clothes
and makeup galore
Some day you'll find
Common ground at the store
That outfit is too boy
That hair is too flat
Usually ends up in
A commonplace spat
One moves away
To cities afar
It's then that you learn
How lucky you are
You can't always say
Things at the same time
But it does happen
With that sister of mine
When things do get scary
And boys break your heart
It's my sister who's there
Like she was from the start
We are weird and unruly
Sometimes it's a shame
There's no camera rolling
We'd have fortune and fame


We may not agree
On all things it's true
But in the end
I'll always have you



Thanks for everything, Liesl.

Happy birthday!

Birthday Love for Warren

He routinely pushed me down the flight of stairs in our tiny two bedroom house. I retaliated by scrawling his name on walls and furniture leading my parents to believe it was him that did it. He got in trouble.

He bit me every day before I left to catch the bus for kindergarten. I retaliated by tying him to the grand piano with robe belts. I got in trouble.

I would tease him until he got so angry he would swing out of blind rage and swear. I'd act like he hurt me and I was going to tell. We were even.

We were like oil and vinegar. He was the annoying little brother that always ruined everything. I was the big sister who picked on him with no mercy.

And then came high school. One year ahead of him I got a head start. Of course, he got picked on. Sometimes pretty badly. We didn't get along at the time, but he was my brother and no one was going to pick on my little brother. No one except me and I would take you down if you tried. I spent more time in the principal's office for taking on boys three times my size for challenging my promise.

We both fell in with the wrong crowd. Our lives went to hell in a hand basket strapped to a rocket ship. At the end of the day, we were all we had. And in that moment we realized our powers combined, we were unstoppable.




The tears wouldn't stop the day his heels made a deafening roar in the awed silence of the parade deck. My heart shattered with pride and love.



The tears wouldn't stop the day he hugged me goodbye and made the long trip down the gravel driveway headed straight into a war zone. My heart shattered with love and fear.



The tears wouldn't stop the day he told me I would have to make the decision of whether or not to continue life support, heaven forbid. My heart shattered with fear and responsibility.



For all the breaking of my heart he has done, Warren and only Warren knows how to put it back together. Few make me laugh and cry like he does.






I was cruel. He was a beast. And I wouldn't trade him for all the little brothers in the world.



Stay safe and come home soon.


I love you kiddo.

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

83 years young today!!

Tape and boxes

And brand new lockses.

That's right, I'm moving! I found a renter for the house (who will be paying my mortgage for me thank-you-very-much) and I will be paying drastically less every month for my housing. Thank goodness for Cari, the best roommate ever! We will be signing our lease tonight and then I'm going to get my hair all chopped off. Well, depending upon how brave I get. But at least it is brown again. No more blonde for this girl.

I am not really looking forward to the next two weeks of packing, cleaning, selling and moving but it is a huge step for me, and one that I believe to be in the right direction. It will be strange living in an apartment building again after being in my own house for so long. I'm sure for the amount of time I'm actually home, I wont notice, well except for when it comes time to clean. That will be a giant piece of yummy chocolate cake. Right? Right.

I even found good homes for the dogs. Montana went to a coworker's mom's house. Lots of land where she can run until she can't and there is another black lab for her to wrestle with. Her favorite. Mom and dad have been gracious enough to be Henri's temporary home. I'm pretty sure she will manage getting used to all the attention from mom and the kids. As long as they have a tennis ball or two, she is a happy dog. I will miss them though, but definitely not all the dog hair.

Other than that, I don't have much time for anything else. The next few weeks will be filled with dust, tape and trips to Union Grove and back.

I guess I will see you all on the other side of Hwy 75!

It's that time of the year again!

It's family reunion time!

I have learned a few things from last weekend. I present them in list form...

1. I am no good at golf. Particularly when the driver is almost as tall as you. (But thank you Uncle John for sharing!)

2. I must buy stock in some random golf ball company. I think I lost 14 balls on 9 holes. Whoopsie!

3. My family makes awesomely wonderful food. And I eat too much.

4. My family is VERY competitive. VERY.

5. Someone I am related to can eat a banana in three seconds. I KID YOU NOT!

6. We are hilarious.

7. I love our reunions. It's kind of a bummer we only do it once a year.

Other than that, life is moving along swimmingly. I found a renter for the house and Cari and I found an apartment in Union Grove. We will go look at it again for her, for the first time for me. I hate moving, but it is worth the pain when the checkbook is considered.

I'm heading to Florida for 5 days. Forgive me while I go look for my 100 SPF sunblock...

I hope you are all well!

Happy Birthday Friedrich!

You are wierd.


And funny.


And caring.


And protective.


And awesome.


Thanks for being there. I couldn't have asked for a better big brother even if I wanted to.

Here's to you man...



I LOVE YOU!

A Funny.

Especially if you know how my family feels about our cheese.

The Short List

I'm not really sure where to start. It's been a while and I'm hoping to get back to blathering on more regularly. I know news travels fast, but not nearly as fast by mouth as it does via the good ol' world wide web. So if you haven't participated in a particular game of telephone that revolves directly around my marriage, you might not have heard that there is no marriage. Or at least as of August 17, there will no longer be a marriage. I mean there was, but it will come to an abrupt and screeching halt. That's right, me and the big D. There are no excuses but there are plenty of reasons, none of which I will be sharing other than for me, it was the right thing to do.

You know, someone recently asked me what it is like to get divorced. It's embarrassing, it's gut wrenching both figuratively and literally, it's freeing, it's terrifying, it feels like someone has removed some vital organ and is doing the tango on it. It basically sucks.

You know, I keep thinking about when I was a little girl. I remember having big plans for myself. After all I was going to be the first female President of the USA. That's right Hillary, that's *my* spot. Heh. I wanted to be a doctor. Then as I grew I wanted to be a nurse. (Some might call that a downgrade, but I tend to disagree.) I still do in fact, but I just can't bring myself to go back to school. There is that little voice in the back of my head telling me it would just be another thing I am merely ok at. So I "settled" for being an EMT and guess what. I love it. It makes me feel like I have a place in this world but it just isn't enough to fill the hole I cram a full calendar in daily in an attempt to fill. Nor would it fill the empty spaces in the checkbook. So what do I do? I work here, I work there all while dreaming of having a job that inspires me. It isn't that I don't like my jobs, but some days I wonder if I am even making a difference in this world. I set the bar pretty high for myself and every time I get close, I push it up just a bit farther. I can't lie, I'm starting to get a neck-ache from spending so much time looking up.

I know each day is what me make of it. We are all adults and that requires us to deal with people and situations we would rather not. That is life. We live, we love, we lose all while demanding and dreaming for more. While wanting more is definitely a good thing, where do you step back and realize that you have it pretty good right where you are? Where do you draw the line? When do you stop raising the bar and enjoy the fact that you are good right where you are?

These are all questions that each person has to answer for themselves. What I want out of life may baffle the next person and what they want may just baffle me. When it comes to strangers you can easily laugh it off and move on. When it comes to your spouse, laughing is usually the last thing you do.

I am truly amazed at how difficult any relationship is. Whether it be co-workers, relatives, significant others, even strangers. Every time we interact with someone we take a piece of them and leave a little piece of ourselves behind. We may not know it, but there is a constant exchange. It is hard enough for most to figure out exactly how they work let alone how someone else works. I still amaze myself at how I react, how I think and how I handle different situations. I guess you could say I am predictably unpredictable. That has to be quite a task to overcome not only for myself but for anyone else that has to deal with me on any sort of basis.

I like to think that I am a good person. Sure sometimes I am the queen of sass, sometimes I have the temper of a hornet but deep down underneath the hurt, bitterness and sadness is a person who would give anything to make everyone happy. I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to be happy. But my basket is empty. My batteries are dead. I'm the last raisin that is stuck to the bottom of the box that no one wants to have unless it was either that or starvation. Okay, so maybe not that bad, but you get the point. I think...

I can't give anyone a real reason as to why I decided to file for divorce. I'm not sure I will ever have a "good" reason. What I can tell you is that I can't believe it was a mistake. And neither was marrying Kyle. I learned a lot from him and a lot about myself in the process. Do I have regrets? You bet. Do I wish things could have been different. Sometimes. But I will never apologize for doing what I think is best for me. I'm not looking to hurt anyone and if I could I would avoid that, but I need to put me first more often and that without a doubt will leave some casualties along the way.

I don't really know where I'm going with my life. I know there are a few milestones I have yet to hit and that I intend to hit before my time here is done. I'm just hoping I can get there with fewer scars than happy memories.

*tap* *tap* *tap*

Is this thing on?

Do any of you still even come here? I'm not sure I would blame you if you didn't. Heck, I haven't "been here." Ha!

Hi Grandma! Miss you!

I promise I will get my act together soon and get back to entertaining you with my shenanigans.